God I am an idiot. I should not be allowed to talk. I can’t believe I said that to Tris. I’ve spent so many nights up with her telling her it wasn’t her fault that she walked away from Four without thinking of the consequences. Why did I throw that back in her face?
I stare up at my ceiling, my hands resting my on stomach.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she broke up with me over this, if I was her that is what I’d do. I wouldn’t want to put up with me anymore.
Hell before her I didn’t really speak to anyone, except Max and sometimes Tori and Bud on occasion. I didn’t spend time with anyone else in the building, so being on my own for hours on end was perfect. Now that I’ve been spending time with Tris I realize I don’t like being on my own anymore. She managed to change my life more than she realizes. I miss her. She’s only one floor below me and it feels like she’s across the country.
I sigh. I grab my phone. Maybe she will respond to my texts:
6:30 pm: Tris I am so sorry. More sorry than you know. I was angry that you felt like owed something to Four. Please forgive me.
7:00 pm: Would you consider getting dinner with me?
8:30 pm: Babe I’m sorry please talk to me.
Thirty minutes later, she still hasn’t answered me. I got texts from Lynn and Uriah though.
Lynn 9:05 pm: What the hell happened? Tris has been laying in her bed since I got here after class at 6. She won’t talk to me or Uriah. She didn’t even go to dinner. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Uriah 9:15 pm: Yo what happen with Tris? I heard you guys fighting earlier and when I went to go speak to her she ignored me. I was only able to check on her bc Lynn let me in. I swear to god if you hurt her I am going to kill you! Remember I know your weaknesses!
I want to smile at what Uriah said, I really do. I know that he probably would try to kill me. Lynn would probably help him bury my body. Marlene would probably be their alibi.
I send them one group message: We got in a fight. Leave me and Tris alone.
Since I have my phone in my hand already I dial my brothers number. It only rings twice before he picks up.
“Eric what’s up? I haven’t heard from you in a while.” I can hear the smile in his voice. Trevor always had smile on his face. He was the nice brother and I was the grumpy one.
“Nothing laying in bed.” I frown. “What are you up to?”
“Taking a break from doing homework. I hate it.” He sighs. “So why are you really calling? The last time I heard from you it was to tell me about meeting your girlfriends Mom. The time before that it was you telling me about your girlfriend. And the time before that it was because you made a friend, and if I remember correctly that friend became your girlfriend.” He laughs. “So what’d you do?”
“Why do you think I did something?” I laugh. I hate that my brothers knows me way too well.
“Really Eric? The only time you call me is because of your girlfriend. Not that I mind, it makes me take breaks from my homework filled reality.” He laughs. “So tell me what you did and maybe we can make it right again.”
I sigh. “Yeah I don’t see you being able to help me make it right.” I pause. “You remember how I told you that a resident got attacked? Well it was Tris. We were fighting about how she feels responsible for Four getting shit from my boss, because she was angry with him at a party and walked back to the dorms alone. That was the night she got attacked and almost raped.” I frown at myself. “Anyway when we were fighting she told me to get out. I said no, that unlike her I don’t walk away from situations that I don’t like.”
“Eric!” Trevor yells. “What the hell man?”
“It just came out. I meant it like I’m not leaving you when I’m mad at you. Let’s fight it out, say your worst.” I sigh.
“Eric you’re my brother and I love you, but you’re a fucking idiot. Did you really think saying that to her was gonna go well?” He waits for my response.
“No.” I mumble in to my phone.
“You need to think more before you open your mouth.” He sighs.
“I know. I know I fucked up. I tried to apologize to her, multiple times. She told me she wanted to be alone. So I left to give her space. I thought I was doing the right thing, but she won’t respond to any of my texts. Her friends are threatening me. I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to kill me I went to her room.”
Trevor’s silent for a while. “Look give her some time. I’m sure she’ll come back to talk to you.”
“Yeah maybe.” I reply. He and I talk for a little while longer. Eventually we part ways. I see that it’s ten. I decide to get ready for bed. I text Tris again.
10:05 pm: I’m going to bed. Once again I’m sorry. I wish you were here. My bed is too big without you. I miss you. Good night.
I put my phone down and turn off my light. I stare at the black ceiling until I fall asleep. I dream about me and Tris. We’re driving in my car, laughing, horribly singing songs on the radio.
I’m woken up from my dream by loud knocking on my door. I look at the time. It’s three in the morning. I bet someone locked themselves out of their room. I get up and open the door. I see Tris standing in front of me. She still has the clothes on she was wearing earlier. I stand up straighter.
“I can’t sleep.” She sighs.
I open the door wider. “Coming in?” She nods and walks past me.
“I’m sorry for waking you.”
“It’s fine. It took me a while to fall asleep anyway.” I reply. “Do you want to change?” I motion to her sweats.
“I guess. I’m not exactly sure why I came up here. I’m still mad at you, if I’m being honest, but my bed isn’t comfortable because you’re not in it.” She tells me. “I’ve gotten used to sleeping in your bed every night.”
“I know the feeling. I didn’t move to your side of the bed at all when I was sleeping.” I take off my shirt and hand it to her. “Want to sleep in this?”
She smirks at me and rolls her eyes. “You’re just trying to distract me from being mad at you.”
I stand in front of her. My hand goes to her waist, pulling her against me. “Is it working?”
“Yes.” Tris whispers. She pulls my lips to hers. Her kiss is fiery and passionate. Her teeth graze my bottom lip and I moan in response.
I pick her up and move us to my bed. I climb over her, resting my weight on my forearms. I look down at her; she’s so beautiful, I’m so happy she knocked on my door. My lips are drawn to hers. Her hands rest on my chest for a moment before her nails scrape gently up and down my chest and stomach. Tris wraps her legs around my waist.
I pull away from her lips and kiss her neck. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.” I breathe.
“Me either.” She kisses my cheek. “But I read your last text, and I missed you too.”
I smile at her. “Do you want to change in to my shirt?”
“Don’t I have pajamas here?” She smirks.
I reach over and pick the shirt up. “Yes, but I think I’d like seeing you in my shirt more. And hey, maybe you’ll give me a little show.”
Tris rolls her eyes at me. “I’ll go change.” She winks before closing the bathroom door. She comes out a minute later in my shirt. She puts her discarded clothes on my desk and from what I can tell I think I see her bra in that pile. “So are we gonna talk about our fight?”
“I guess.” I glance at the time, its 3:45 in the morning. There’s no way we are going to finish this talk before 5:30 at the earliest. “Just a quick question. Are we going to class today? Because if we are there’s no way I’m going to be able to make it with four hours of sleep.”
Tris shrugs. “We can skip.” She sits down across from me, legs crossed.
I tilt my head and I can see her panties.
“Hey! My eyes are up here Coutler.” She says in a hard voice. “So do you want to start?”
I let out a big sigh. “Look I know I fucked up, but I didn’t mean what I said how it sounded. I meant it like I’m not backing away from this fight. I will not run out on you. I’d rather you say the worst thing possible to me then leave you when I’m angry and do something stupid.”
“And I heard what you said like, you solve problems by running away. You don’t want to hear something you make the stupid mistake of leaving. And the last time I did that you know what happened. I felt like you were comparing me to that one snap decision I made.” Tris takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye.
“I didn’t mean it. Honestly I didn’t. I just don’t want you to feel like you owe anything to Four. Not many people see how much of a jerk he can be and I know that he feels bad for what happened. But he wasn’t the one who found you with those two assholes. He wasn’t the one who was scared that you were dead. He wasn’t the one who thought he lost the greatest thing in his life.” I sigh, trying to hold in my anger.
I look away from Tris. I can’t look her in the eye right now. It’s this moment when I realize that I could possibly be in love with her. Is it even possible for me to love someone? I didn’t think I could even like someone, but here I am in a relationship with Tris. I look up and I see tears in Tris’ eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry.” I tell her.
“I didn’t realize what you went through that night. You never told me how you found me and what happened. I know that you beat up the two guys, but I didn’t know what you were feeling.” She frowns. “I’m sorry for defending Four.”
“I’m sorry for making you relive what you felt that night. It honestly wasn’t my intention.” I pause. “I just want you to know that I will always fight for you. Especially if I think you are making a horrible decision.”
Tris laughs. It’s the first time I’ve heard her laugh in hours. I’m never going to forget that sound.
I look at the clock. It’s five in the morning. How the hell did time go by so fast?
“Eric… Can we please go to bed? I just want to wake up with your arms wrapped around me. Then when we’re awake we go for a run. A long run.”
I smile. “Yes to all of it.”
Tris climbs to her spot, getting under the covers immediately. I do the same, turning off the light before molding myself to Tris.
“Good night Eric.” Tris kisses my hand.
“Night Tris. I… Sleep tight.” I kiss her shoulder.